Monday, May 19, 2008

I was wrong....

Okay, so I was a little off. I told you that I was a post or two away from my 100th post. Well, I got into the "edit posts" section of my blog and realized there were a few "drafts." After reviewing and deleting them I've learned that today's should be post 91. So I'm still about 9 away. SORRY! I guess that gives me a few more days to try to think of 100 things to say about myself. LOL! I LOVE to yack, don't get me wrong, but to sit and go on and on about myself is just going to be a little difficult. Now, if we were talking about YOU it'd be a different story! I could EASILY ask you one hundred or MORE! Heehee...

So.. about our weekend. Link's sister Virginia and her husband were down so we got to visit some with them. I've shared pictures of her girls before, and HOPED to get some new ones this weekend but everyone was running in different directions. Just to give you a peek at these little beauties I'll share a shot of Addison & Lora Beth with our boys on the 4th of July last year....





I'm hoping to get one of all of them with little Allie Grace soon. (Yes, I got to see her this weekend also) It's funny because the girls quickly let me know that I had to get in line to get some Allie love. (They live an hour or so away so they don't get to see her often) I GUESS I was okay with sharing. LOL!!!!!!!!!!

It's just crazy how fast these kids are growing. It seems like just yesterday that Brent & Addison were our first babies (on the Nason side). We were always comparing how each was growing. (Addison was 2 weeks older than Brent) It's unbelievable how much they've always looked alike. (They really look more like brother/sister twins than cousins) We FINALLY have a new scanner... I'll try to post some pictures of Addison against some of Brent soon so that you can see what I'm talking about.

It's bittersweet to watch her grow. I still see so much of him in her - I can look at Addison who's ALMOST taller than me now and know that Brent would probably be beginning to tower over me as well. (I'm about 5'3" and she's only 12)

We're also seeing Brent even more each day in the boys. ESPECIALLY Gabe. The boys had spent the night with my parents this weekend and being the worrywart that I am, I decided to check in with them. When I called the next morning to make sure all was well, and to see if they needed anything it happened. Just as I was about to get off the phone with Gabe, he said, "Bye." OH MY! It sounded EXACTLY like Brent! EXACTLY! At that very moment grief swept over me and I couldn't "get it together" for the whole rest of the day. I was even still "teary eyed" when I went to bed that night. I just couldn't believe it's been a year and 4+ months since I've heard Brent's voice. I had LOTS of "talks" with GOD that day.. and was again reminded that CHRIST ALONE is my STRENGTH. I CANNOT walk this road without HIM. Yes, our sweet boys are PRECIOUS to us. It's always a blessing to see or hear Brent in things they do or say. I suppose there will always be things that "throw us for a loop?"

Okay.. I won't keep you. I suppose I just felt like sharing my heart this morning rather than the normal rambling I do. (Hehe) I DO APPRECIATE you stopping by! I think I'll leave you on a "lighter note" and with something odd indeed. It's a simease flower that I cut from my new flower bed. Yes, I realize that there's probably no such name, but check it out for yourself and see what YOU'D call it? =-)








post signature

14 comments:

Kelley said...

I have been thinking about how fast time goes too. My niece graduated from high school this weekend and it seems like just yesterday she was a bald baby running in the sprinkler.

I can't imagine what it must be like to have sudden waves of grief overtake you. I know you miss Brent all the time but I am guessing there are moments when it feels unbearable. I am praying for you my friend!! Keep your eyes fixed on Him and the day when we will be reunited forever!

Take care.

Love,
Kelley

Amy said...

I have never lost a child but when my mother passed it was all i could do to savor her smell. I took about 7 pair of her panty hose and put them into a gallon zip lock baggie. I still have them although the smell of her has turn to more a musty smell I still open that bag hoping to get a whiff of her. Praying for you this morning.

For The People said...

Nice blog!

Nen said...

i don't like to think about how fast time goes! it stresses me out!!

that is one odd flower!

Melanie said...

Hi, Tonya. They do grow up too fast, don't they? On one hand I wouldn't want it any other way and on the other I would love to be able to hold them as tiny newborns again.

I would imagine seeing Brent in Zach and Gabe and Allison is incredibly bittersweet. It brings back all the wonderful memories of your sweet boy, but I would guess it also brings on the tears and pulls the grieving to the forefront. I'll continue to pray for you all as you continue to walk this journey.

I was all excited to read your 100 things on your 100th post! I'll just have to wait a bit longer. I have no idea what I'm going to do when I hit 100 posts. I have a hard time coming up with a list of 5 things about myself... much less 100! HA!

Happy Monday! "Talk" to you again soon!

Kristen said...

I was totally anticipating the 100 things today...darn! :) At least now you have a little more time to start compiling that list!
I loved growing up with cousins my age. My cousin Katie is nine months younger than I am and is still one of my very best friends! What a blessing for your boys!
Glad to hear you had a good weekend!

Cheryl said...

That is a neat picture of the flower! It is very pretty. Love the pic of the kids to. I loved being raised with my cousins, we look back at pictures now and remember the good times we shared. Have a nice week! God Bless~

Sheryl said...

Thank you for sharing your heart. I cannot even imagine what those waves of grief must feel like.

Okay, now you have a few more days to think of all those exciting things to tell us about yourself. I can't wait.

Love,
Sheryl

Milk Mama said...

Cool Conjoined flower twins! ;)

Tracy said...

Tonya,
I finally had some time tonight to come and explore your blog. I read this post, and then went on to read more about Brent's journey. What a incredible testimony of faith. No wonder you are so proud of him. No doubt he (and you) were quite an encouragement to other patients & parents. I can't imagine what it's like to lose a child. How precious and yet bittersweet that you can see (and hear) so much of him in his brothers.

I'm praying for God's peace and comfort during those times when you miss him most. Take care, dear one.

Blessings,
Tracy

Cheryl said...

Tonya,

I'm going to hit my 100th post about the same time! I sat for a bit last night and thought of 100 things. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Take your memory back some.

I told Susan the other day that I had followed Brent and Jordan's Caringbridge site's a few years ago and just recently came across your blogs. I have a close friend here in Oklahoma whose daughter was diagnosed with neuroblastoma in 8/04.

I'm so sorry you've had to experience this pain. We know Brent is in a better place, but it sure is hard on the ones that are left here. My heart ached for you and your family. It is very clear that your sweet Brent is very special. I should have sent you a comment long before now. I just never did. I can't begin to imagine the loss.
Life is tough. It is our stepping stone to a much better place. I've prayed and continue to pray for you and your family.
I was happy to see that you had started a blog. You do have such a way with words.
On 11/13/07 my sister was diagnosed with brain cancer. It seems that ugly thing is everywhere. She is treating at M.D. Anderson. Fighting with everything she has. Doing well now. We just have to trust our God!
You take care! I think you are doing amazing!
Cheryl

crispy said...

I was just thinking about you. There are a few songs that when I hear them, I always think of you.

Just know that your friends are here thinking and praying for you on a regular basis.

Love you my dear friend.

Cris

Stephanie said...

Oh, Tonya! What a hard day that must have been!! Grief is so unpredictable, isn't it? You just never know when it is going to get you. One time, I was helping my mom give a wedding shower for one of her neighbors. The Bride to Be Mom made some random comment about my grandfather who had passed the year before. Well, since the anniversary of his passing was that week and I was already emotional, I sobbed through the entire wedding shower. Needless to say, I wasn't much help! Your grief is so different than mine b/c it is hard to lose your child, but I can relate to those random memories tugging at your heart. Here is a HUGE HUG, my sweet friend! One day, we will all be in a place with NO MORE tears!

I am looking forward to the 100 things~I bet you will have trouble stopping at just 100!!
Love to you!
Stephanie

Amy Wyatt said...

Everytime I read a post where you mention Brent, I am overwhelmed with your courage and grace. What bitter sweet memories. Praying for you.
Can't wait till your 100th post. I'm with Melanie... I haven't even done the tags yet for 5 things about me so I could't come up with 100 things. I just posted 100 things about God :)