Monday, March 3, 2008

Marriage Monday

1st Monday Every Month at Chrysalis
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Happy "Marriage Monday," everyone! "Is Divorce Ever Right?" is today's topic and is one of those that are VERY HARD to discuss without doing some SERIOUS "feather ruffling." (Oh, and a disclaimer for myself... I didn't choose this topic, I'm just posting with others on it....hehe) O:-)

With that said, MOST of what I'm going to share today comes from the ULTIMATE Authority.. ONE Who is WORTHY to judge the heart and matters of man. (And/Or woman) Of course I'm talking about GOD. The Bible says....

Malachi 2:16
"I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.

Matthew 5:27-32

27"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.'[e] 28But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

31"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' 32But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

Matthew 19:1-12

1When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. 2Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
3Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

4"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'[a] 5and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'[b]? 6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

7"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"

8Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

10The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."

11Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage[c]because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."

1 Corinthians 7:11-13

But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.

1 Corinthians 7:27

Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife.

Now for my "two cents" on the matter. I've been married to the same man for 15 years. I'm sure we would BOTH be QUICK to tell you that it's not always been a bed of roses. (A bed of THORNS at times, but NOT always roses) Before we found out our son had cancer, my hubby was focused on making a living and I was home (24/7) with our children. I wanted LOTS of things from him that he was usually too tired to give. I won't go into all of the issues because "gossip" wouldn't benefit anyone. The point is, it took us getting down to the point of KNOWING that we were about to lose Brent before we BOTH TOTALLY SUBMITTED to GOD. Either of us could've left the other a long time ago, but divorce was NEVER an option. It was NEVER mentioned. When we said, "I do" we meant it. The BEST advice I can give a sister who's feeling all alone in her marriage is to PRAY! After we pray, then we've got to be ready for GOD to make some changes in US. I'm NOT saying that whatever might be wrong is the woman's fault... however I TRULY believe if we're COMPLETELY OBEDIENT to GOD'S WORD, something will HAVE to happen. (Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives -1 Peter 3:1)

Most women today are raised under liberal ideas. We're taught that we're just as capable of doing anything a man can do. Technically.. we CAN do MOST things men can do... HOWEVER, we WEREN'T created for those things. We were created for but one reason. To be our MAN'S helper.

Genesis 2:18-24
18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” 19 So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man[c] to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.

21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs[d] and closed up the opening. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.

23 “At last!” the man exclaimed.

“This one is bone from my bone,
and flesh from my flesh!
She will be called ‘woman,’
because she was taken from ‘man.’”

24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

The Bible says we were created for the man and not the man for the woman.

1 Corinthians 11:9
neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.

GOD says we're supposed to be busy at home....

Titus 2:4-5 (New International Version)
4Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

So... if we want to see GOD work a miracle in our lives we must FIRST be willing to be COMPLETELY OBEDIENT to HIM. I know that as a parent I'm NOT going to "bless" my children when they're being disobedient and I don't expect any different from my FATHER in HEAVEN. OUR JESUS IS the ONE WHO "calms the storms" of life, there is NOTHING He can't restore!

Now, I was speaking to those who are still married. I do NOT want to sound condemning to anyone who's already gone through divorce. I simply wanted to share my testimony and the MIRACLE MARRIAGE MAKEOVER that GOD has given us. Remember, it took our son's relapse with cancer, and being told that WE WOULD LOSE him before our "hardened hearts" were ready to be softened and obedient. I don't know your circumstances - your life is between you and GOD. We can REJOICE in the fact that GOD says that "if we confess our sins, HE is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I KNOW I've broken my LORD'S heart countless times... but I also know that because I've confessed HE HAS forgiven me. The same is for you and anyone else that sins.

Okay... I can't wait to hear what everyone else had to say on the topic of divorce. If you'd like to read more on this you can join me at Chrysalis.


MiPa said...

Great post. I have found this topic so difficult to write fact I have yet to hit publish. Bless you for sharing.

crispy said...

By God's grace, this year I will have been married 16 years. Early on, we made a deal to never ever consider divorce. Not to joke about it, or tease or threaten it. Never. It was never an option. I believe that has been a blessing for us. We are committed to "us" to death.

Like you said, it isn't easy, but God has been faithful. I am so thankful that even though we were really young and didn't know what we were doing when we said "I do", we are still best friends today.

I can't stress enough, it is God's grace in our relationship that has sustained us.

Angela @ Refresh My Soul Blog said...

Nice post. I love how you added all the Scripture and said how God will change US first. That is so true.

Anonymous said...

Great testimony Tonya! We need more people speaking out like you.

We're raised in a disposable society that when you don't like something you just get rid of it. Sadly that has crept into our marriages. With more testimonies of how God restores even the worst marriages, I truly believe it would reduce the divorce rate significantly.

Thanks so much for sharing. I was raised in a broken home. Your boys are so lucky to have parents that are committed to each other like you two!!

Faith said...

Awesome post. Praise GOd for the marriage you have! I haven't finished my thoughts yet but it will be up sometime later today or tomorrow. Love all the Scriptures you included.

Susan said...

Hey Tonya,

Once again, you've taken time to share you heart and search out the word to see what "GOD" has to say on a topic.

I always APRRECITATE this about you Tonya. You are truly a (?) OK, my mind went blank, look it up, a person who studies and searches the word out, man...

OK, I'll come back when I remember the name, OH!!!! I remember: A BEREAN!!

Here's is what I'm talking about:

According to the Book of Acts, Chapter 17 verse 11, Paul of Tarsus and Silas preached at Berea, and the inhabitants "eagerly examined the scriptures every day to see whether these things were so", and many of them believed.

Wow,I remembered.

Love you!!

Faith Hope Love Mama said...

I've been married for ten years and we have three little ones. We feel very strongly about the subject and are committed to working things out and praying continually and don't ever want to divorce. However, I have wished many times that my parents would have divorced (there has been infidelity and hurt caused by alcoholism and verbal abuse since I was a kid and it still continues). It's hard to admit that because I feel guilty about this. However, God knows my heart and knows how I truly feel about it. I can only pray he changes my heart and transforms the lives of my parents. Luckily, my husband and I are very unlike my parents. He is truly my mate and I love and cherish him like no other. Blessings to you Tonya for posting on such a great topic.

Anonymous said...

hugs my friend! Great post! I've been married for 13 years only by the grace of God!

Jana said...

Wonderful post! God bless you for speaking Biblical truth and not being afraid to "offend" anybody. I think more people need to be offended sometimes!

e-Mom said...

Fantastic sister. You preach it!
You haven't missed a verse (that I can think of) and you're heart seems to be in the right place: submissive. I praise God for tender-hearted women like you--tender to the Word of God. You rock!

Thanks for joining us for Marriage Monday today. Hugs, e-Mom

Lynn said...

Wow.. I mean Wow... wonderful testimony. :) Thank you.

Connie Marie said...

I like how you said we should pray. Prayer is powerful.
I enjoyed reading the verses that I know of but didn't take the time to look up. I enjoyed your write a lot, thanks.